The story you're about to read is true

by Neil

The story you're about to read is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

My friends describe me as cynical but surprisingly funny. I say that beneath this veneer of cynicism lies the beating heart of an optimist! Just because I'm not always giggling away like a maniac on the outside doesn't mean I'm not on the inside (and I don't mean in a crazy person kind of way, although I do occasionally laugh like a mad scientist if I find something really funny).

I'm not motived by money or fame, I just want to be happy with my life. Why bust a nut getting a 4 bedroom house I'll never spend any time in when I could lounge around with my friends in a 2 bedroom flat. If you did want me to pick a main motivation in my life it would have to be loyalty, if someone needs help I'll do my best to be there! If someone needs an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend to be hated with no questions asked, then I will scowl at them like they've just told me they kick puppies for fun!

The main passions in my life are cooking, my friends, and a black Labrador named *Molly (Not my dog, I just abduct her for walks every now and then).

I love to eat and go running a few times a week to burn it off. I work it out as 4 miles = 1 slice of cake.

I hate explaining movies to people at every plot point (we all know one of those people)

I am completely indifferent about the fact that the houseflies hum is a middle octane key of F. I just know it's annoying as hell.

If you would like to know more about me, even if it's just a more complete list about things I'm completely indifferent to, then get in touch.

*Molly is actually her name. She is not innocent. She constantly tries to steal food and, when I'm sitting down, jumps on a very uncomfortable place under the guise of giving me affection...

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